The Ephemeric

I remember vividly the first time I visited my wife,  then girlfriend, in Switzerland. After all, it was the first and only time I’ve ever traveled somewhere, and ended up in the wrong country. 

It’s not as dramatic as it sounds. Switzerland just happens to be a uniquely multi-polar nation. The sort of country where airports have different exits for different countries. So when you see that sign with “sortie” written on it against a backdrop of the tricolore, that’s not just a translated exit sign, it’s literally saying “this way lies France”, which seems kind of obvious when I write it down, but then common sense often eludes me. Fortunately, one quick nonchalant look around to make sure no one noticed my blunder, a quick course correction, and I was back on my way, as intended, to Switzerland.

Little did I suspect that, some 10 years later, I would be returning to Switzerland as a bona fide resident. Where once stood a discombobulated London boy easily confused by airport signage, now stands a guy who flashes his resident card upon entry, like a VIP being led into the smokey back room of a very expensive Apfelschorle bar.

Switzerland has a reputation for being a notoriously difficult place for outsiders to integrate, especially those who don’t speak one of the four national languages, Swiss German, French, Italian, and Romansh, fluently. Well, I’ve been here exactly one year now, and I have thoughts.

They call Switzerland "The Golden Cage", the quality of life being such that, once you've lived here, it's difficult to adapt to life anywhere else. On first impression, it's easy to see why. 

The country is clean, safe and well organised. Even in the densest city centre, you walk the streets with ease and confidence without ever feeling under any kind of risk. Public services work, and they're efficient. Universal healthcare is (relatively) affordable, and easily accessed, provided by publicly regulated private insurance. Public transport is easy, clean and on time. Before I moved here, my wife would always boast proudly that she could tell you when a train would arrive, to the minute, and on which platform, months in advance. She wasn't exaggerating. It gets to the point where you'll find yourself complaining about a train being two minutes late, something which would be a great result in London. Golden cage indeed.

But there is a darker element to this. Switzerland rightly presents itself as a model of efficiency and function, and as a nation it goes to great lengths to keep it that way. Rules are much more restrictive here than in other countries. Household waste can only be thrown out in specifically designated bags, marked with paid labels. Disposing of waste without a purchased label comes with serious penalties. Disposing of household waste in a public bin comes with serious penalties. Yes, there are officers who patrol the streets specifically for this purpose, and they will take any infringements with dead seriousness. Depending on where you live, you may also face restrictions as to the time of day you can do laundry, or take showers.

This is a nation of collective responsibility. It remains clean and in working order because everyone does their part to keep it that way, and this is enforced, rather than a matter of choice. This is not a criticism, but life in such a regulated society, however well-intentioned, requires a big adjustment for someone immigrating from a city like London. I imagine that for someone moving over from the United States, a land that prioritises personal freedom above all else, the culture shock will be even greater.

Zurich may not be a city of quantity, but it is a city of quality. Beautiful city centre with the lake, Opernhaus, charming old town, and even a view of the Alps. There's excellent shopping on Bahnhofstrasse, Europaallee, albeit at exorbitant Swiss prices, and some top notch department stores like Globus.

Zurich has a world class zoo. There may not be a Hampstead Heath or Hyde Park equivalent, but you don't need it because you can visit the surrounding natural wonders, such as Uetliberg, with stunning views and delightful hiking route featuring a scale-model of the Solar System.

One thing I've often heard from expats and visitors is that the food scene is lacking. This is not just a Zurich thing, but comments I've heard leveled at Switzerland in general; that the food is bad, that there aren't good restaurant options. I have to say I disagree. We've found a number of excellent restaurants in Zurich and beyond, from local Swiss cuisine, to Peruvian fusion, creative brunch corners, and even an excellent vegetarian restaurant. It's certainly not London, where you can find good options for just about every genre of food you can imagine, as well as several you can't, but there are excellent eateries in this country and it's getting better every year. They are, however, expensive. This is a theme you will see throughout this piece, but Switzerland is an eye-wateringly expensive country, and it's perhaps most notable with the restaurants. So I would contend that the food in Switzerland isn't bad, it's just far more expensive than it should be, and I can understand why people are much more inclined to dine at home.

In addition, there's much more to a country's food than its high-end restaurants. Visit the grottos of Ticino for some good local wine and polenta. Journey to the mountains for fondue and raclette. Say what you want about Swiss food, but they are light years ahead of us in their application of melted cheese. The Swiss are also rightly renowned for their baking, with excellent breads, cakes and strudels. Need I even mention the chocolate?

Zurich is known for being a culturally rich city. The opera house is the main attraction, putting on productions of the highest quality that are comparable with any other city in the world. But the city is also home to some world class museums, from the Zurich Kunsthaus, to the culturally-focused Landesmuseum. Throw in some high quality modern sporting and concert venues, a myriad of festivals and events, and it is clear that Zurich has much to offer. Still, one area where Zurich is noticeably lacking compared to London is the theatre scene, although in fairness there aren't many cities in the world that can compete with London in this regard. 

But of course while I live in Zurich canton, I don't technically live in Zurich city. I live in a very small village outside of Zurich, on the nearby Pfaffikersee. Ours is a region best known for its craftworks, woodworking, and textiles. Nearby attractions include an old textiles mill, a somewhat notable dinosaur museum (which I have yet to visit sadly) and, above all, the Jucker farm. Jucker is the primary tourist attraction for the region. A farm which has achieved some fame for its pumpkin festival each autumn, which includes an exhibition of elaborate pumpkin sculptures. But there is more to Jucker than just pumpkins. It's also a top notch brunch place, hosts summer BBQs, a maze and petting zoo for kids, and much more besides. It's an institution.

I mentioned earlier the Swiss connection to nature. Well, I can say that you feel this profoundly when you live in a place like I do. You're surrounded by nature, sure. So when it snows, it really snows. When it's hot, you feel the heat. But you feel it just as much in the culture. The local markets and produce, the seasonal festivals and events. Swimming in the lake, hiking in the hills. The Swiss people truly embrace nature and seasonality in a way that I've never seen in London.

But life is not all "going out and doing things", sometimes you just kick around at home. How does that compare? Digital infrastructure, in my area at least, is excellent. The internet cables are all brand new and state of the art, and the speeds I get far exceed anything I had in the centre of London. The television offerings are surprisingly deep. We even managed to get a package which contains many of the British TV stations, so I can still watch Match of the Day and Bake Off. The biggest surprise has been the football. Incredibly, I have access to more live football, including Premier League, in Switzerland than I had in London. This is due to every game being carried here, including the Saturday games that are prohibited from broadcast in the UK. I am awash in a sea of live football broadcast possibilities, and it is beautiful.